Show Me What I'm Looking For
by KingOfTheWeevils
Summary: 5 times Bones thought he was too old, and 1 time he was certain he wasn't. T for Jim being inappropriate. Jim/Bones. Angst!profound moments!down-right silliness. ONESHOT.


_Children! One of the reviewers (I love you guys- even if you haven't reviewed, I know you're there. Particularly the person from Mauritius- how cool is that?) said that they wanted more Scotty, but apprently the plot bunnies had other ideas._

_So this is my first 5 +1, and my first Bones!fic, bear with me. It's a Bones/Jim fic (because I love them like chocolate cake), and impossible to put into a genre, and I'm still not entirely happy with it, but what the heck. And plus, there's a bit of Scotty. Also a bit of LoTR crossover, because I couldn't resist._

_Here goes... _

_P.S. The title's from the Carolina Liar song of the same name, and, as far as I know, being a member of Urban Addicts Anonymous doesn't give you the rights to Star Trek. Which is a shame._

**Show Me What I'm Looking For**

**(or 5 Times Bones Thought He Was Too Old ****+1 Time He Was Certain He Wasn't)**

**I**

Bones took a slow, calming breath.

There were much worse positions to be in. And this was a perfectly acceptable planet for the stupid conference- slightly behind in their ideas of sexual equality (adultery was still punishable by death here, apparently) - but nonetheless, a peaceful, even beautiful, planet. Quite out of the ordinary for the _Enterprise_.

And yet; and yet...

"Let me get this straight. Because of some filing mistake on your "establishment's" behalf, I am sharing with a girl who happens to be in an established relationship with the Chief Engineer?"

The girl behind the reception looked close to tears.

"And because of you idiotic protocols, I've got to share with her- because the scanners in the rooms won't let anyone else in?"

"Sir, I don't know what to say..."

It wasn't that Bones even minded that much. Gaila was funny, sweet and good company. But the goddamn planet's atmosphere had messed with her pheromones, and the suppressants really weren't working. Scotty, as far as McCoy could see, had been thoroughly enjoying the past couple of hours until Bones had produced the make-shift suppressant "suit" (make-shift because, seriously, when did this kind of shit actually happen?) and thrown Gaila into it. Despite her protests. Then Scotty had gone and sulked into a bottle of whisky. Jim was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, McCoy felt a little sorry for the receptionist- antennae aside, she looked a little like Joanna had when she had spilt strawberry milk all over Jocelyn's new cream carpet.

"Okay, fine. Just tell me who Captain Idiot-Face is sharing with, so I know who to give his emergency allergen hypos to."

"Captain Kirk appears to be sharing with Mr Montgomery Scott, sir."

"SWEET!"

Bones turned to face the large potted plant beside him that had just spoken.

"Shh, Cap'n, he'll find us!"

The plant giggled.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

**II**

Jo turned thirteen on the 5th of May. Her daddy was in another system saving the lives of those much older than her.

Jocelyn told Leonard exactly what she thought of him and his "little starship catamite" when he arrived back planetside a week later.

Joanna didn't say anything. That scarred him much more than his ex-wife's cruel words. He shouldn't be doing this. Jocelyn was right- he was too old to be gallivanting across the galaxy with his Captain.

On the 13th of May he handed in his resignation.

On the 14th of May Jim handed it straight back.

Captain Kirk wasn't going to lose the best doctor in the fleet. _Jim _wasn't going to lose everything he had ever loved to Jocelyn Treadway.

It was another 5 years before Bones was able to attend one of Joanna's birthday parties. And even though Jim had spent those long years gluing together the tiny pieces of Bones' heart, he knew they shattered all over again when McCoy realised that he had missed his baby girl turning into the beautiful, witty woman he saw before him.

**III**

The Russian kid's _seventeen, _for crying out loud.

**IV**

"That's _him_!"

"Well, go and ask then!"

"No, you go, I'm not going."

"It was _you _that wanted to know. So _you _get to ask."

Leonard McCoy turned round to glare at the two ensigns sitting behind him in the mess.

"Can I help you?"

The taller one balked, and poked the frizzy haired red-shirt in the side.

"_Ask."_

Bones was both hungry and un-amused.

"Well?"

"It's just, Doctor, well... um. It's just that... Uh..."

"If it's in any way embarrassing, you can ask Chapel." With that, he turned back to the tray in front of him.

"No, wait! Doctor McCoy, we were just wondering if it's true."

McCoy turned in his seat.

"If what's true?" he hissed, slightly panicked.

"What's written on the E-deck Jeffries tube... about you and the Captain."

Seeing the good doctor choking on his lunch, the ensigns wondered whether to call for help. At that moment, the Captain appeared at their side and McCoy promptly finished choking, turning instead to glare at his commanding officer.

The proffered sheepish, and slightly smug, grin was not getting Jim anywhere.

"Bonesy!"

As McCoy, food abandoned, dragged Jim in the direction of E-deck to inspect the damage, he was followed by a wistful sigh.

"We didn't even get to ask him about the Captain's chair... "

_That _was none of their damn business.

**V**

Bones had been at the briefing. He knew what to expect.

Jim had spent three hours tip-toeing around what seemed to be that the natives were a bunch of wack-jobs who had adopted the works of J.R.R. Tolkien as their bible. Who- for some goddamn idiotic reason- were joining the Federation.

But after two seconds of being greeted hugely enthusiastically by a large crowd shouting that "the lord Éomer has returned", being ceremonially head-butted by a horse named Firefoot, and even more enthusiastically embraced by a young woman named Lothíriel, Bones knew he wanted off of this mental asylum of a planet.

Damn diplomatic Federation. Damn Jim.

Spock could stay here and be an elf if he wanted, Bones didn't care. Next time he was staying on the ship with Scotty and Gaila and the other slightly less insane members of the crew.

_**+I**_

They're being chased.

The pirates have disarmed the crew's phasers and are currently shooting with deadly aim at the main bridge consoles.

Bones presses himself hard against the wall as he draws a breath. He could die here- he knows that only too well.

But right now all he can think about is the adrenalin flooding through his veins. He forgets everything- he forgets he hasn't slept or eaten in well over 18 hours; he forgets the deep cut on his temple; he forgets that he's probably too late, too slow, too _old_.

Because in that life-threatening, life-affirming moment, Jim turns to Bones, grabs the taller man's neck and smashes his mouth into his. It's a clash of lips and teeth and tongues. It's messy and desperate and rushed- but it's kind of beautiful.

And in the blinding moment of clarity and peace that follows, Bones realises that Jim does know. He doesn't need the words, the three words neither of them is brave enough to utter just yet... but he _knows_.

It's over before it's even begun, because they need to keep running. They run until someone- anyone- stops the intruders, until their lungs and legs give out. Running for their lives.

And Leonard McCoy has never felt so young.


End file.
